Ever Wonder?

Ever wonder what it's all about? 

I have allot lately, wondered why -

Here is what I am learning.

I don't know why I struggle with anxiety & depression as I do. Why some days I can't even leave the house. Most days I have to have someone with me for fear of what, I am not sure. 

I know that God loves me more than I could ever understand, I know he loves my children more than I do and that seems unfathomable to me. He has no grandchildren and he has them in his hands in times I am right next to them or if I am far away. 

I accept I cannot change my past and make better choices and I refuse to blame my parents on their lack of parenting skills. I am daily working on forgiving myself for the let downs of my children. I am human. I accept I am a Recovering Alcoholic, that made me very sick and I made extremely poor choices that effected my Children.However, that doesn't define the Mom I am today, it makes me wiser. Makes me humble, because I know how easy it is to fall for the vision you have for yourself and become the opposite. I believe you can have all the fellowship in the world but until you are ready to take a hard look in the mirror, take the steps needed you will never be free. you will always be on the outside of life looking in. 

I am responsible for my actions and though my feelings are what they are and they often consume me, they aren't facts and if I rely on God and take suggestion, I will get past the feelings and back to the facts.

I'm not one to hold grudges, if you're my friend you always have a place in my heart, even if the season changes, I don't leave people. That also doesn't mean I allow others to walk on me, Boundaries make me learn the lesson and keep on being a friend. I fall short, as we all do, I am a work in progress. 

I have learned that Marriage is nothing I thought it was. Just because you have failed at it in the past doesn't mean that person you chose in the future has anything to do with the past person. That communication, love, patience tolerance and above all God at the center can make your marriage the amazing gift God designed. 

I have learned someone you judge the most may just be the one person that can finally help you get to the other side, of who you are meant to be. 

I believe in Faith, Trust, Honesty, Acceptance, Surrender. 

I believe the best days are ahead of me. For that I am Grateful

*Dedicated to many, if you read this & think its about you, it probably is, Thank you for being a part of my journey*